afraid to leave the projects

I've been thinking about reviving this business, since I let it drift off.  There are certain seasons which might writing more difficult, I think, like summer.  It might be the opposite of intuition but that weather always makes me want to keep more to myself. 

I also take words very seriously and often approach writing anything down as if it's being written in cement or stone.  And it always comes out with that slant since I can't seem to write it totally truthfully.  I was looking at my friend's tumblr and thought that it was really nicely designed and allowed for that kind of inability to ever really write things.  But I don't want to rush into getting one since it might be like that time I had two jobs and got a third one and then had to quit it after one week. 

I kind of wish a lot of people had blogs though because then it would make it feel less weird.  It is weird, though, when you're 20-something and live in somewhere-land and don't always have people to tell these things to over coffee.  Still, it reminds me that even when you're speaking to someone, you sometimes want to feel as if no one is paying any attention, so that you can be more honest. 

I have been listening to some of the tracks from Paul Simon's album/play Songs from the Capeman and I take it in very earnestly.  He tells the story of something like a gang member sentenced to death for the murder of two teenagers in Spanish Harlem.  And just because Paul Simon's voice very obviously can't represent a Latino gang member's, the story seems more transmutable.  It's like a reminder that any story has these deep pockets of emotion that will never be communicated.  It's very funny to me to think about pockets like that, unlocked forever. 

So, I'll probably try to start writing in this again, maybe for the sake of my own untransmutable pockets...

So, I think I feel so daunted by my pictures that I have been shying away from writing shorter, less detailed posts.  Probably at some point I'll explain the varying climates I photographed and why I was there in detail, but for now I'll just keep it simple.  And for now, I can at least explain that my recent hiking stint began, in March I believe, by waking up at 4:00 in the morning to leave Greeley at 4:30 (I wasn't the driver) to get to the trailhead by 6:30.  It's remarkable how much adrenaline can fuel you, even if you're going on a ~12 mile hike in the snow and precarious conditions.  My friend Beth and I ended up scaling the side of a rather steep incline of packed in snow to avoid a narrow, icy road on our attempt to hike Mt. Evans, a 14-er about an hour west of Denver.  We weren't able to actually hike it since the trail was so snowy, but we hiked a while up the road, which was closed, and did see some sheep (?) and lovely views. 

Since my roommate has been out of town, I've been mowing the lawn, and I think that I'm getting the hang of it.  Today was my third time with it, and I admired my work afterwards.  I also bought some arch supports at the running store today, which feel really strange in my shoe.  Hopefully they'll solve some of the problems I've been having, but the store's owner perplexed me more by suggesting that my problems aren't structural, but dietetic. Um...his advice was to go to a masseuse named Maria and get some bloodwork done.  I might do 1/3 of that, but first I'll just try some workouts that don't require my feet to make contact with the ground.  After Doug (the store's owner) left, another person working in the store told me that Maria was kind of scary and Doug a little crazy (he suggested that the other staff bike 45 miles twice a day to substitue for running 15 miles), and then we had a much less terrifying conversation about my injuries.  Then I got some books about running and cross-training at the library.

The week before last I went to a conference for professionals who work with youth through workforce development centers throughout Colorado - the conference was in Colorado Springs, home to Pikes Peak and apparently also the president's secret hide out (NORAD).  That's serious stuff.  The conference was great - I went to some great sessions on job readiness training for youth and government use of social media and I got to visit the Mile High youth corps' office for a group conference call (my program has once every 2 months) we had on Wednesday.  I had a good time with my coworkers - we spent quality time with staff from (hip, elite, organic) Boulder County, which, according to stereotype, is the exact opposite of (rural, agricultural, meat producing, flat) Weld County.  I might have danced.

So, those are a few things...I've been doing interviews with my supervisor/another coworker for our summer programs, which is very interesting to say the least.  I'm trying to replace my running and walking with something else substantial (swimming, biking, elliptical-ing) while I let my things (illiotibial band, shins) heal.  And I'm going to NOLA/BR in a week...so I'll see some of you soon!

The Broadmoor in Colorado Springs

Good intentions

Wow -- so I do intend to still update this blog.  I've just  been rather "active" lately...and now I should try to go to bed ASAP, but I will include a few pictures.  These should indicate my good intentions to explain things soon...

Tomorrow I'm going to Colorado Springs (in the area of Pikes Peak) for a conference, which will be exciting.  But I'm mentally and physically very tired, so it will be a challenge.  We have our last cooking class tomorrow, so I need to put a lot of energy into that and then somehow getting on the road.  Wish me luck!



(The common denominator)



So, I am mentally gearing up to run in Boulder this Sunday.  I decided to downgrade from a half marathon to 10 mile for my first race, which I think was a good decision.  As of Friday, I've had pretty dreadful shin splints, which I hope will subside before Sunday.  After that, I am going to return to biking to work and start with swim lessons as well to give my legs some rest.

I have a difficult time condensing the past few weeks and pulling out the memorable bits.  But I'll try to start somewhere.  On Friday, the VISTA team leader who works with the Colorado Youth Corps Association conducted a site visit with me and my supervisor.  She basically went through a list of dramatic and non-dramatic questions, including, "Who do you feel is benefitting from Sarah's year of service?"  I enjoyed it, actually, although I sometimes don't do well on the spot.  But it was a good chance to hear my supervisor say nice things about me without having to ask. 

I also helped to build a runway - wow!  I don't think I contributed much to this process, but I did use a power drill several times and measured pieces of wood.  The runway was for a fashion show fundraiser for an organization some of my friends volunteer for in Denver.  We built the ramp in the organization's founder's garage in Denver.  She had adorable five year old twins who really wanted to be everyone's best friend and help tighten bolts. 

Last Friday, I invited a lady to do a workshop with our TIGHT corps members on watercolor painting.  I was skeptical about how this would turn out, but it was remarkably successful.  The seven boys who did the workshop were genuinely engaged and respectful.  One of them painted a profile of a guy with an Afro who had a rainbow shooting out of his hair and announced at the end of the class that he was going to save up his money to buy painting supplies. 

I have been very eager to eat and read about eating lately.  This theme ties into a few actual events -- my roommate and two of her friends and I went to Denver last Friday for something called restaurant week where fancy restaurants offer a 3-4 course meal for a not terribly high cost.  We ate at a rather trendy restaurant called Cru with all of the city folk.  I had butternut squash ravioli, roasted pepper chicken with truffles and mashed potatoes, and molten chocolate lava cake.  Delicious...but I feel that I've only been in Denver's most mainstream areas.  I had that feeling again when we walked around downtown after eating, and I feel a need to explore further and more seriously.

Also related to food -- I'm planning a six-week cooking class for TIGHT through a national non-profit called Share Our Strength (check them out -- Jeff Bridges is one of their biggest fans).  I've recruited volunteers through the Dietetics program at UNC, and Share Our Strength provides the curriculum and a stipend to buy groceries and whatever else we need to run the program.  The class participants get to take home a bag of groceries to practice cooking with their families, so it's a pretty good deal. 

So those are a few of the more exciting things.  I don't feel I've had much time lately to reflect on anything, and it seems really important.  I have the common sensation I think I've described before of stacking up with thoughts.  Perhaps this long race will help, if my legs improve.  Talking and listening to other people talk and eating s'mores around a bonfire are good as well...

This week seems a bit challenging at the moment -- I'm doing a brief training with the cooking class volunteers tomorrow and then parent teacher conferences with another staff to recruit for one of our summer programs.  And hoping my legs pull through.  So, if you think about it, please send positive thoughts my way.

Yesterday I invited a woman to speak to WCYCC's AmeriCorps crew on financial literacy and goal planning.  The day was already strange, since I'd spent the morning at a presentation on local gangs by a police officer -- the presentation concluded with a slide show featuring local gang members and crimes to the tune of "Youth of the Nation" (I wonder if he was trying to make a point.).  Needless to say, I felt a bit nerve-y after the presentation and went with one of my co-workers to meet a lady who works with the Central Colorado Water Conservation District.  I tripped getting into the truck and was generally absent-minded throughout our meeting, although it turned out to be successful anyway.

Afterwards, we drove back to the office, and I walked into our "youth room," where the lady was already setting up and all of the corps members (including new members we hired last week) were there.  That wasn't ideal, but everything seemed mostly under control.  But really, with that group, nothing is "under control," and it turned out to be a very "interesting" presentation.  It started, harmlessly enough, with one member insisting that he spends his extra cash on beer (he seemed to really want the presenter to know how much he loved beer), and then other members offering their financial advice -- have a Mexican lady watch your kids because it's cheaper; make your car payments over rent because if you're kicked out at least you'll have somewhere to sleep; don't buy extra things like gum.  When asked for examples of emergency financial situations, one corps member offered, sincerely: "You get a girl pregnant."  Fortunately, the presenter was very adaptable, took these situations seriously, and didn't make any assumptions. She was able to respond to them and in the end called them a "very interactive group."

Following the presentation, I helped to set up for the TIGHT corps graduation.  This turned out to be fascinating as well.  The four graduating corps members made speeches, and there was a funny slideshow.  Memorable experiences with that group are difficult, since the pictures included former members who are now in juvenile detention or were kicked out of the program, but also corps members climbing on the Pawnee Buttes and holding frogs.  One girl talked about how her time with TIGHT hadn't been very enjoyable, and that she had probably made a lot of people mad, but that she had learned and changed from her experiences.  It was remarkably sincere, and people were shifting weirdly, trying to not cry.  There was cake and a lot of joking around about the tight budget I live on.  Ha ha ha...

Earlier this week I went to Denver to do mock interviews at a high school for a career class as part of Goodwill's Youth Services program.  It was pretty fun -- the high school was downtown and old and large.  I interviewed three students one-on-one in the library and gave them interview tips afterward -- "Don't say 'um, whatever,' be more specific..."  My idea is that I can adapt some of the practices used by Goodwill's program to incorporate into WCYCC's programs.

I'm starting to feel stacked up with thoughts and experiences.  I started volunteering with an adult literacy program, and it's slightly overwhelming.  Now that I've been here for some time and understand the community better and its issues, the problems faced by these particular people weren't shocking, but still sad.  It's a group of mothers who are trying to learn English in order to navigate the school system -- check their kids' grades and attendance, know who to talk to if they have a problem.  But at the same time, they're faced with the larger issue of knowing whether their kid is involved in a gang.  Next week a presenter (possibly the same man I saw speak on Friday) is coming to speak to them about local gangs, so that will be interesting.

I haven't ventured out of the area much lately except for work reasons, but I probably will next week once I have some other things under control.  Some friends are also interested in snowshoeing, which is promising, since I don't want to be stuck under an avalanche by myself...

I'd welcome any suggestions on cheap meals -- Lately, I've turned often to potatoes with broccoli and cheese as well as black beans and corn bread.  Pasta is always good.  Please let me know your thoughts...

8 mile(s)

This evening I ran ~8 miles (for the second time!) and then made spinach soup.  I'm so healthy.  But it's not as if my grandmother taught me nothing--I also had ice cream for dessert.  I'm enjoying running but risk buying too many running accessories.  Do I really need something to carry water and food in or can't I just tape them to my clothes or hide them in bushes along my route?

Lately I've started to have the feeling that whatever I'm thinking about shows up sort of inevitably in my surroundings.  This could be thoughts about combative personalities like a double-edged sword (30 rock) or midwifery (conversation with my friend Cathy about the next NOW conference in Florida).  I suppose it's not that strange, but each time it has carried with it a dreamlike quality.

I also started reading The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression -- which I imagine many people would find themselves relating to strongly and unstrongly at times.  Mostly, though, I wanted to share the quote the author uses to preface the book:

Everything passes away--suffering, pain, blood, hunger, pestilence.  The sword will pass away too, but the stars will still remain when the shadows of our presence and our deeds have vanished from the earth.  There is no man who does not know that.  Why, then, will we not turn our eyes toward the stars?  Why?
-Mikhail Bulgakov, The White Guard

That thought was doubled by the fact that another friend, Erika, got a tattoo on her wrist that reads "This too shall pass," in Norwegian, humorously.

Today the temperature reached 61 degrees -- this should strongly encourage anyone who's thought of it to please visit. 

Teeth

My positive experiences with the project I organized for Martin Luther King day will probably make more sense in light of my fears the week before.  I had to pull a tooth, or maybe a few, to get some of WCYCC's corps members to take charge of the project, and we didn't really pull very much together at the project site until the Thursday before.  On Friday, we went to Hobby Lobby and Ace Hardware to buy supplies, and I felt a bit ridiculous, buying so much paint for a project I felt so uncertain about.  Possibly because...it seems quite difficult to forecast people's attitudes towards painting.  My main fears were that no one would feel confident enough to paint and different groups would refuse to work together.  And the corps member I had fairly put in charge of the project kept telling me that he wouldn't be there on Monday at all.  Was it a joke?  Not a joke?  Figuring that out was all part of the fun...

So the Sunday before the project I felt so anxious that I cooked a giant pot of soup and watched Much Ado About Nothing, the version with Emma Thompson and, er, Keanu Reeves. 

But, overall, I felt that our project turned out quite well.  Two volunteer groups in addition to WCYCC's AmeriCorps crew were present, and we tried to mix everyone up.  It would have been nice to have seen more collaboration among the groups, but there were at least some among people who felt more comfortable floating around and doing whatever work needed to be done.  The team leader for the Weld County VISTAs tried to put together some clean hip-hop for the crew painting in the kitchen, to keep up their momentum, which was helpful.  And we painted quite a lot, including large blue swirls, fish, and a panoramic view of Colorado.  See this link for our media coverage.  This is hopefully exciting beyond my realm of having pulled teeth to have it all come together.

It's also been quite cold here lately.  I don't currently have a working camera to document this, but I do think it's photographable.  The high on Tuesday was -4, with wind chills in the -20s!  Thank you to my aunts, who gave me scarves for Christmas...

The Weld County Youth Conservation Corps is full of drama, none of which I can really talk about and still feel ethical.  But this is what I'd truly like to write about in my newsletters, which I've expressed to staff and received some nods of approval.  Two other staff members have already agreed to start a reality t.v. show based on the daily drama of the youth corps.  So that might be my next project.