afraid to leave the projects

I've been thinking about reviving this business, since I let it drift off.  There are certain seasons which might writing more difficult, I think, like summer.  It might be the opposite of intuition but that weather always makes me want to keep more to myself. 

I also take words very seriously and often approach writing anything down as if it's being written in cement or stone.  And it always comes out with that slant since I can't seem to write it totally truthfully.  I was looking at my friend's tumblr and thought that it was really nicely designed and allowed for that kind of inability to ever really write things.  But I don't want to rush into getting one since it might be like that time I had two jobs and got a third one and then had to quit it after one week. 

I kind of wish a lot of people had blogs though because then it would make it feel less weird.  It is weird, though, when you're 20-something and live in somewhere-land and don't always have people to tell these things to over coffee.  Still, it reminds me that even when you're speaking to someone, you sometimes want to feel as if no one is paying any attention, so that you can be more honest. 

I have been listening to some of the tracks from Paul Simon's album/play Songs from the Capeman and I take it in very earnestly.  He tells the story of something like a gang member sentenced to death for the murder of two teenagers in Spanish Harlem.  And just because Paul Simon's voice very obviously can't represent a Latino gang member's, the story seems more transmutable.  It's like a reminder that any story has these deep pockets of emotion that will never be communicated.  It's very funny to me to think about pockets like that, unlocked forever. 

So, I'll probably try to start writing in this again, maybe for the sake of my own untransmutable pockets...