falafel

Writing often feels like wading through something, since there are so many things I could make more concrete through writing and I never know where to start, although I often do, at least vaguely.  But I don't like making trade-offs.

Well, I am apparently going to Kenya.  Not "apparently" because it's of my own volition, but it still seems very distant and somewhat comic in my head.  I spent a while being sidetracked talking about Kenya with my Swahili language partner on Saturday when we were supposed to be reviewing my homework, and she said things like, bring cookies so the kids will like you and don't be bothered if people are very forward about your height and weight and face and kids run after you yelling, "white person, white person!"  So, yes, Kenya.  I am very excited about the entire thing, and details will be forthcoming.

I have been struggling lately to manage a massive amount of content--my work-study job at Manual High School where I am ferociously trying to coordinate and organize people...my coursework which demands hundreds of pages of reading and my active engagement...my going to the gym and concern for my legs...Swahili...planning for summer 2012...my internship which demands patience and commitment...and my trying, trying, trying to stay sane and in touch and at peace.

Also, when Condoleezza (two z's) Rice was here, I saw her sitting on a couch outside of a classroom brushing her hair.  Maybe I should do that too.  She talked about the anxiety associated with starting your career--you find fault in most of what you do and find very little measurable evidence that you're doing anything right.  Not to sound so depressive, but I feel that way very frequently here.  Every professor I have is different, and when I pressure myself so often to be successful in that person's eyes, it mostly backfires.  It seems that being a "graduate student" demands high quality in everything, and it's hard to feel that I can always deliver that.  I just worry about it frequently.  And I need to remember to always have people first.

So, there's that.  I am at peace in some ways but overwhelmed in many others.  Now off to wrapping up some work, intently, so I can read before I go to sleep and happily manage the week, maybe eat some falafel.